Mommy, You are My Very, Very, Very BEST Friend!!♥

It seems like it has been forever….I know, I know!

It is hard to believe I am coming up on the two year mark of when I was standing before a judge in a Russian courtroom. And of course, a couple of weeks after that landing at LAX, finally bringing my daughter home. Today lots of memories came back to me, for a couple of reasons I suppose. My social worker is due to visit within the next month for Victoria’s post adoption report. Additionally, just today I was contacted by a single female living in San Diego. She contacted through email and received my information from CHI. Of course, she is considering adopting from Russia and her note consisted of many questions about my experience.

I met a wonderful couple in Russia on my second trip. They had a court date the day before mine. In Russia, though you have a judgment of custody, you are not able to actually have custody of your child until 10 days after the court decision. Justin and Heather were adopting Blake. Blake was in the same group as Tori at the orphanage. During the ten day wait we would visit the children during the week. So we had several drives together to the orphanage and also enjoyed playing with our children together. I remember one distinct conversation that we had. I cannot remember if it was on one of our drives to the orphanage or in the lobby area of the Vlad Inn, but the conversation has always lingered in my mind.

The conversation centered on the idea that we, the adoptive parents, could quite possibly be their, the adopted child’s, trauma. Sure, as an adoptive parent you would like to think the life you will offer a child will far exceed that of being raised in an orphanage. BUT you are also taking them from their comfort, their familiarity, their life as they know it. You are removing them from their life because you have a better plan….essentially they really don’t know you or trust you. They don’t know the mental preparation you have gone through. They don’t have that same chance, knowledge or ability to do any sort of mental preparation. Sure the caretakers might refer to you as their Mama when you are due for a visit, but really a young child just can’t comprehend or understand what is going on. They just know you have disrupted what they had, whether it was good or bad.

Thinking back to the beginning, when I first brought Tori home, I do think in some ways I was her trauma. The transition was difficult at times for her and rightly so! Our life began together hanging out in a hotel, having a grand time. Soon we were on a long plane ride heading home, what I know as home, not what she considered home yet. Everything was unfamiliar to her; people, food, language, home, bed, etc….those first days were rough. I remember after getting everything taken care of at the airport, we headed to my dad and Jan’s. I requested Tori have a Happy Meal waiting for her. Yep, I wanted my new American girl to have a Happy Meal. She really had no interest in a meal, mostly was interested in the dog and wanted a big drink of water. I remember walking up to my dad’s house and I put her down on the grass. I was stunned (seems really dumb now to admit that) at her reaction to her feet on the grass. It dawned on me; she had never felt grass on her bare feet before. She was not pleased by the sensation, but also not frightened. She really just did not know what to make of it.

I remember the drive home that night, to our house. She screamed and cried the entire way, all 50 minutes of the drive! The sun had set and it was dark. She was also strapped into a child car seat, something they did not use anytime we were in a car in Russia. She was struggling and trying with all her might to get out of that seat. My poor baby girl! Her brother just kept asking me what was wrong with her, why was she so upset, can't we just let her out of the seat? Everything was new and different, really just about everything. The first few weeks were rough, not all the time of course. Nights were very difficult for her, often crying in the night. All I could do was go in to her room, soothe her, rub her back, kiss her, hug her, do what I could to comfort her….sometimes several times in one night. I often found that while she was crying in the night, she was not even awake. As I write this, in my heart I celebrate the growth we have made. Yes, we….I have grown so much, just as much as Tori. Dylan has grown too, he is an amazing brother! Not only has the growth been huge, but the trust and love that has been established is tremendous. I am totally in love with my daughter! She truly amazes me on a daily basis. When I look at her and think of her personality, words and phrases that come to mind include (Dylan added some words too): strong , persevering, full of life, compassionate, funny, joyful, enthusiastic, fearless, caring, silly, adventurous, loving, eager, comforting….these are just a few…… God has truly blessed me, us!!! Several times a day she tells me and her brother how much she loves us and; “Mommy, you are my very, very, very, best friend!!” Life is grand!

I promise to update again after my post adoption visit….

Happy Birthday Victoria!

My little girl is 5 years old!

I will start with the stats: Victoria is weighing in at 27 lbs and she is 36 inches tall. She has grown! Since this time last year, she has gained 5 lbs and grown 3 inches. Victoria continues to love life and people. She really does find joy in just about everything she encounters. She is curious about everything that crosses her path or comes her way.



We traveled to Oklahoma in March, which was an awesome trip visiting family for Easter. She also had her first trip to the snow in March, which she loved. We have had many visits to the beach. She is unsure of the waves, which I am just fine with. She continues to love her dogs and play with them daily. My son, Dylan, who is now 16 has an amazing bond with Tori. He truly is her protector and at times I marvel at the patience he has with her. I am blessed with two amazing children.






Victoria has done unbelievably well with acquiring the language. She knows several sight words, all her letters, sounds, colors, shapes, writes her name, along with letters and numbers. She is beginning to spell words. She sings and chatters nonstop. Her intellectual growth has been amazing. She is truly a sponge when it comes to learning, as most young children are. I share this mainly because the child I met in the orphanage and the child I have home with me now are completely different. She was quiet, subdued, trembled when she tried to manipulate things, seemed so frail, I suppose I will also add medicated, which I am sure caused some of this behavior. Now, she is thriving, full of life, free spirited, strong willed, compassionate, affectionate, and continues to bring me joy and amaze me daily!


Minor hiccup......Victoria started Kindergarten the beginning of July. She has struggled with the separation in the morning from me. I work full time, so being away from me during the day is not new. I realize there is a lot a newness in the whole Kindergarten experience and that has caused alarm for her. It has been a rough transition for her and has really put things into check for me. I say this because at times I feel the bonding and trust that has grown between us has been exceptional, and I do believe it has been. With this rough transition, I am reminded once again of her past and the importance of me to continually step back, look at things through her eyes, from her perspective, taking her first 3 1/2 years of her life (which I don't know much about, but what I do know is heart-wrenching) into consideration, and internalizing that her past is what she bases some of her thoughts, fears, and insecurities off of. Reality check for this mom, and admittedly knowing I need to check into that reality more often! Every day is a new day and we continue to work through this together and make progress.




Family is coming into town in August. I am sure we will have an action packed week while they are here. We are also heading back to Oklahoma in October for my nieces wedding. Tori will be the flower girl. Again, it will be more fun times and new explorations ahead. I plan to get her in swimming lessons in August, though she is already doing an amazing job with it. She loves the water; swimming, bath, hose, sprinklers, water parks, etc. She will have no trouble with formal lessons. Just Victoria, Dylan and myself will celebrate her birthday on the actual day (July 29th). We will have a family celebration when family comes. All is well in our home and we continue to enjoy life as a family. In a nutshell, life is good!

We Are The Truth!

We Are The Truth
Today is Adoption Blogger Day-part of the Joint Council of International Children's Services Call to Action- We are the Truth. Here is my story...

One year ago, on April 17th 2009, Victoria Irina Rae Elbe became a member of my family. The judge ruled in my favor to adopt this beautiful little girl. I met Victoria in Sept. 2008. I had to wait 6 month to return to court because her birth mother never filed appropriate paper work for her citizenship in Russia. Prior to meeting Victoria, I had been given photos and medical information. Her eyes in her photos are what initially captured my attention and my heart. I was drawn to her.
I accepted the invitation to travel and meet her. I was ready to go in three weeks time. I met her and I was, in all honesty, scared. What if I could not meet her needs? Those thoughts just kept going over and over in my mind. Additionally, I criticized myself about being a single parent, and am I being fair to her…..maybe there was a couple that would be a better placement for her. As the week went on, I fell in love with her and knew that I wanted to give her all of my heart and offer her a chance at a life outside of growing up in an orphanage. When the children turn 4 in Russia their placement changes and their chances of being adopted diminishes. Four for her was not that far off.

While in Russia, I learned that a family had come to meet her and considered adopting her, but declined due to her health issues. On my second trip, I did find out it was more than just one family, actually there were a few that declined embracing her and bringing her into their families. Victoria had not had much stability as it was. She was with her birth mother until she was two. At that time she was removed from the home and placed in a hospital for 5 month. Yes, 5 months, due to severe neglect. She had all kinds of things going on. Furthermore, the day she was removed, she was wrapped in plastic and handled with gloves because of the filth and parasite infestations on her body. She had some other serious health issues going on and was gravely ill. After leaving the hospital, she was in the baby home for a year and then I met her. Just after I met her, actually the day I left, she was again placed in a sanatorium (health facility) to assist with her health issues. I am not kidding, if you met this child today you would ask yourself, “What health issues?” Home, here with me, she is a completely different little girl than the one I met in Russia. She was shy, timid, and quiet. She is now full of life, affectionate, carefree, and strong willed (which I have decided was what gave her the ability to survive). I love my daughter, she is my own. She is my family.

There is much talk, concern, and controversy about the psychological problems institutionalized children face; head banging, rocking, self soothing, food hoarding, etc…… along with adjustment and attachment problems. I have experienced some problems that could very well be related to the fact that she was institutionalized; sleeping, adjustment issues, food hoarding (terribly in the beginning), defiance, testing boundaries, etc….some of these we still work on, on a daily basis. Of course some are normal 4 year old behaviors.

I know that my love for her must be unyielding, the same as any other parent with a child. I can honestly say that Victoria is a very happy, loving, affectionate little girl. She loves life! We love her tremendously. My family and I all feel truly blessed to have her here, home, where she belongs. She really is amazing!